A man is before the judge, after getting a ticket. He says "Judge, I'm an Astrophysisist and I can explain my running that red light. As I was approaching the intersection, I was drawing nearer the stoplight, so the light from it was blue-shifted, since it seemed to be approaching me. That effectively changed how I perceived the color of the red light, and it appeared green."
   The professor smiled smugly and the Judge nodded. "I see. Based on that explanation, I'm dropping the charge of running the red light."
   The professor started collecting his notes and prepared to leave the courtroom.
   "BUT," the judge continued, "also based on your explanation, I'm fining you $1 million dollars for speeding. In order to blue-shift the red light to green, you HAD to be doing at least 10,000 times the speed limit."

   In other planetary mission news, technicians at the Deep Space Network installation in Canberra, Australia have identified the probable cause of signal weakness in the primary 90-meter antenna: the dish was apparently mounted upside-down. A tentative schedule and budget estimate for correcting the mount is underway. DSN Australian Coordinator Michael J. Dundee was quoted in the Australian weekly "P***Off Mate" as saying that this mystifying problem had never been encountered before, but was probably due to reliance on American antenna design parameters. "I'm still not convinced that anything's wrong, but we'll try it the other way and see."

   The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, set up their tent, and are asleep. Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.
   "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
   Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."
   "What does that tell you?" ask The Lone Ranger.
   Tonto ponders for a minute.
   "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"
   The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks.
   "Tonto, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

   Aerobuck Weekly reports that in testimony last Thursday before the House Space and Storm Door Subcommittee, NASA Administrator Roald Sagdeev testified that a recent re-re-reshuffling and "options devaluation" would enable construction on the International Space Station to proceed despite the latest round of budget cuts, but warned this was "absolutely the last cut that can be sustained." Citing internal NASA studies, the publication listed several cost cutting measures under consideration, including a two year stretchout of the Ground Telerobotic Administrator (GTA) subsystem, and eliminating atmospheric pressure in the one remaining crew module, which would also be downsized from 23 feet to 16 feet. The name of the station would be officially changed from "Freedom" to "Fred" to fit the new bulkhead dimensions.

   Credits: I have no idea where I picked up these comments other than I have had them for a long time!